I feel that just so much happens in high school that one blog post cannot be enough to cover all of it. I mean, that’s kind of obvious. Of course, I myself am not a counselor or even done with high school for that matter to be able to tell others what is good for them, but at least I can talk about my own experiences, things I regretted, and things I was glad I did. For the most part, I think I just need to get these thoughts out of my head, where they loiter and agitate me all day long. They may or may not apply to you, but regardless here they are. 

I don’t know if many other people feel the same way, but I went through different phases every year in high school. I was very different in terms of my personality and habits to the point that I can’t really associate with these past versions of myself anymore. For example, in ninth grade, I was a total goody-goody (do people even use that word anymore? I looked it up, and apparently, it is “used rarely”). I only did what I thought I was expected to do, and I never did what I deemed was “unnecessary,” you know, things like relaxing and having fun. I would make study plans for myself and stick to them religiously! What about my social life, you ask? Haha, what’s that? But all jokes aside, I was a total perfectionist and I would beat myself up mentally if my work was anything short of 100%. The only benefit to all this was that I had good grades (by the standards of my school and peers, of course). So if I haven’t made it clear yet, let me say it now: GOOD GRADES WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY! Well, they might make you feel a little proud, but for me that was not true happiness. I’m being pretty honest when I say that my self-esteem was lost somewhere in a ditch, away and out of my reach. 

Here is another thing about grades: they are not an accurate representation of anyone’s potential. I’m serious! Grades can vary greatly depending on where you live and who your teacher is. Some teachers are easy graders while others are super nit-picky. Many teachers require you to get on their good side, and I have seen a lot of biased teachers. I’m sure you have, too. The system of grades is not set anywhere, not even within a school. Sometimes, grades can be a measure of how much you study, sometimes they are a measure of how much you already know, sometimes they are a measure of how much you care, and sometimes they are a measure of how well you are able to get by without having to do much work. Most times, they are a combination of all of these. Since grades are just numbers, none of that can be determined from a transcript. Your grades really can’t define you; it just doesn’t work that way. With that being said, please don’t upset over what you think is a low grade. Instead, go out into the world and discover yourself; it can’t be said enough. A personality is what I was lacking by revolving around my grades so much. You’re not really missing out on much if you don’t have a commendable report card. It’s been a pretty boring life, to say the least.

In tenth grade, I was just sad all the time. I lacked a whole lot of confidence, and having good grades sort of added to the problem. It made me delusional. I thought I was capable of just about anything because I knew how to satisfy my teachers. I was nominated for a state program for high schoolers that had three elimination rounds. The program was basically for students that had a unique passion in a certain subject area (for me, it was math). I was supposed to be interviewed in the first round, so I kept practicing by talking to myself. I was convinced that I would do well because I absolutely love math. But surprise, surprise! I didn’t even pass the first round. Go ahead, laugh at me, I don’t care. But at the moment I was devastated and mostly confused. I thought, does this mean I don’t like math? What was the point of all my hard work in school if I can’t even pass a school-related interview? At that point, I had fallen into a deep trench of self-questioning. It was only until recently that I realized this is what happens when you let others define you. I know, it’s hard not to let others define you, but you have to keep saying it to yourself until you start believing it. You have to be okay with not pleasing everyone. Your confidence should not have a shaky foundation. Don’t let others knock you off so easily.

Well, that’s all I am going to say about tenth grade. In eleventh grade, I had an entirely different story: I started slacking off big time. I got super lazy about school, I found all the shortcuts to every class, I did basically nothing. Even my procrastination reached a remarkable new level. I wouldn’t do homework for a class or study for a quiz until a couple periods before… probably when I should have been paying attention to something else. If this is you, let me tell you something. It is okay to put in minimal effort into school if you can still do well; some people are just like that. But please do something else useful with the time you have; you are very lucky to have time like that. And this is something I now regret, that I could have accomplished so much more, that I wouldn’t have lost my motivation to work. I’m still trying to recover from it, so please don’t fall into that trap! Get a job, involve yourself in clubs, get a leadership position. Just make yourself busy, it will help you in the end. The crazy thing, however, was that I was very happy (and I still am). I think I found something I loved (some things actually). I started learning languages, such as Chinese and Korean. I am still learning them, and I am pleasantly surprised by how much I am enjoying it and how much I managed to teach myself. If you haven’t done this, I recommend at least trying it out and see how far you can get. I also looked to dance as an outlet for stress relief. My practice suddenly increased, and I improved greatly in just that year. I definitely put more time and effort into making myself happy, and I think I really needed it.

All in all, each year had its ups and downs. I am still not done with high school, so I look forward to facing the challenges senior year will bring me. In the end, I think junior year was my best year because I was the happiest. The biggest advice I could give to all high schoolers is to find what you love and pursue it. Accomplish something you will be proud of. And set your own standards for yourself (and make sure they are feasible). Don’t try to fit into anyone else’s mold if you don’t think it’s right for you. So, to all the highschoolers out there: good luck and stay happy!

— I am coming back after writing this, and I think I might make this a series of posts if I come up with more ideas. If you would like that, stay tuned! —